Finding Fulfillment Part 6: Connection
Jordan’s day is filled with interactions. She greets her roommate at breakfast, chats with the barista at the local coffee shop, and is in her first meeting by 9 am. Between other meetings, collaborating over new projects, and catching up on their personal lives, Jordan talks with her coworkers all day long.
After work, she’ll grab a beer with a friend and then head home to watch TV with her roommate, scrolling through social media all the while to stay up-to-date on long-distance friends and family.
As she lays down for bed, Jordan has one overarching feeling: loneliness. After a day full of talking to people, she doesn’t feel connected to a single person.
The Fallacy of Connection
The fallacy is believing that talking to people (or even being physically surrounded by people) means we’re automatically building connections. But this couldn’t be farther from the truth. You can talk to someone every single day for years and never make a real connection.
And don’t get me started on social media. Between Twitter feeds and Instagram stories, TikTok trends and Snapchats — you may interact with dozens of friends, family members, acquaintances, and even strangers, all before breakfast. Yet, social media has been directly linked to increased loneliness.
Just like Jordan in the story above, we can see and talk to more people than ever and still miss out on human connection.
Finding Fulfillment through Connection
This is the sixth and final piece in our fulfillment series. Each article in this series takes a closer look at the components of our Fulfillment Theory. If you want to create the kind of company people love to work for, your ultimate goal should be to create a culture where your team can find fulfillment.
Fulfillment is that inner satisfaction — the feeling we all crave far above any external rewards like wealth, fame, and power. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t pay your team well or recognize their successes, but for lasting happiness they need something deeper.
People are fulfilled when they experience passion, purpose, and progress — the motivational drivers of fulfillment.
And to experience the motivational drivers, they need the cornerstones of motivation: clarity, collaboration, and connection.
We hope you’ve read the first five articles in this series, linked above, for the full picture of creating a culture of fulfillment. To close this series, let’s talk more about connection.
The Building Blocks of Connection
Talking to someone is a conversation, not a connection. Being “connected” via social media is not the same as sharing a connection, either. The only way to truly connect with someone is through two building blocks:
- Vulnerability
- Empathy
Connections are built when we’re open and honest with each other in the good times and the bad. Being vulnerable allows us to receive and express empathy. Without that vulnerability and empathy, we can’t forge a real connection. Instead, we experience loneliness, depression, and anxiety.
Vulnerability
Vulnerability: To expose oneself to danger, either physically or emotionally.
When we talk to others or post about our lives on social media, we are rarely vulnerable. Instead, we self-guard. We present the version of ourselves that we believe others will like, accept, and understand. To quote Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection:
“Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”
Belonging and vulnerability go hand-in-hand. When we present the “tidied-up” version of ourselves, we may be socially accepted. But the result isn’t as satisfying as we think. Instead of feeling safe and connected, we feel lonely and misunderstood. That’s the cost of hiding yourself from people.
Being vulnerable is scary. It’s in our DNA to protect ourselves, so voluntarily exposing our weaknesses and flaws can feel life-threatening.
And that’s why being vulnerable is so special: it’s the ultimate act of trust. When you open yourself up and another person sees you as you are — and accepts you — a connection is formed. But there’s one more component to connecting with others.
Empathy
Empathy: Understanding someone’s feelings or experiences from their perspective.
Empathy isn’t sympathy, which is understanding from your perspective and feeling pity (or judgment). Empathy is withholding judgment and experiencing someone’s emotions alongside them.
Vulnerability and empathy are two sides to the same coin. Before you’ll open yourself up to another, you must believe the other person will understand you without judgment. And to put yourself in someone else’s shoes means you have to open yourself up, too.
And just like vulnerability, empathy is missing from most of your real-world and digital conversations, because we are too often consumed by our own experiences and perspectives. To step outside ourselves requires awareness and intention. It’s the difference between a response and a reaction.
The Why of Teamwork
Collaboration is the “how” of teamwork — how to successfully work with others through good communication, openness, and honesty.
Connection is the “why” of teamwork. Why work with others when it’s so much easier to work alone? Because, as we’ve already learned, building connections with others is the only fulfilling way to exist.
Connections sustain you in the good times and bad. When things are going well and you’re making progress, feeling connected to your team amplifies your joy and passion. You’re taking part in something bigger than yourself, and you can celebrate with your team.
And when things go downhill, connections are your life preserver. To quote our Fulfillment Theory:
“Teams that have a real connection go the extra mile, protect each other, and assume the best about their teammates.”
Connections keep you grounded, allow you to trust your teammates, and increase your resiliency. There is strength in numbers. When you’re connected, you can overcome any obstacle.
Connection in Professional Practice
It’s easy to use lofty language about building connections, but talk is cheap. What does it look like in practice at work? How can you actually demonstrate vulnerability and empathy? Leaders should take note of this section, because you must model both if you want to build a culture where real human connection is possible.
What does vulnerability look like?
- Openly discussing your strengths and weaknesses
- Asking for help when you can’t solve a problem on your own
- Admitting when you’ve made a mistake
- Opening up about personal struggles (within reason)
- Being honest about your boundaries and opinions (clear is kind, unclear is unkind)
- Sharing ideas (even if they don’t work out)
- Forgiving others when they hurt you
There are plenty of other ways to be vulnerable, but these are a great starting point. Now, what does empathy look like?
- Assuming the best of everyone
- Considering other peoples’ perspectives, past experiences, and circumstances (putting yourself in their shoes)
- Seeking first to understand in a conversation (instead of planning your response)
- Asking real questions about your team members
- Accepting someone for who they are instead of wishing they would change
When you first start practicing vulnerability and empathy, it will be uncomfortable. There’s no way around it. Like most worthwhile achievements in life, connections take work. But the growing pains are so worth it once you get to experience real human connections.
It is quite literally what we were all born to do. We are not meant to go through life alone.
Connection for Passion and Purpose
All of the components of fulfillment intermingle and work together to create one cohesive whole. But, as we mentioned in our last two articles, each motivational driver is at the intersection of two cornerstones of motivation.
Connection enables passion and purpose:
- Passion: When someone else shares your passion, connection is formed. Why else would people join clubs and meetups for their hobbies? We want to be able to share the things we love with others. It’s the perfect scenario for sharing ideas and getting to the heart of the nitty-gritty.
- Purpose: We all want to feel like we’re part of something bigger than ourselves. No one wants to exist in isolation or work on meaningless projects. It’s in our nature to find satisfaction in working alongside people in the pursuit of helping people.
To feel passionate about your work and find purpose in each new day, we must build connections with other people. Once we do, fulfillment abounds.
Creating a Culture of Fulfillment
Fulfillment: Achieving your deepest desires.
After deep-diving into all six components of fulfillment, you should now have a clear understanding of how to cultivate it at work. It’s truly the most worthwhile experience you can ever work toward.
Fulfillment boosts motivation, efficiency, resilience, and creativity. It reduces anxiety, anger, burnout, and frustration. Fulfillment isn’t a temporary external reward — it’s the ultimate internal reward, and it’s sustainable.
If you want to build the kind of company where people love to work, fulfillment should be your first and ultimate goal.