Today I would like to introduce you to a friend who I care for a great deal. They are currently struggling with their faith and are exploring the possibility that all that they have believed is a lie. I say exploring but this friend is further along than that. He has questions but do any of us have answers?
I have invited him to share his feelings and pose his questions here to you and the world to see where the conversation might lead. Please leave your negative criticisms at the door and lets have an open dialog filled with respect for all views. Here are the start of some of his thoughts.
Why I now reject the Savior whom I used to love?
This is the first in several blog entries. My Identity will be disguised so I can feel free to speak my mind. You see I used to be in the “ministry”. I have served on staff in several churches of varying denominations over the course of several years. I have been involved in many different methods of evangelism in many parts of the country. I still work closely with church leaders and ministers from time to time who think that I am still “one of them”. You have undoubtedly labeled me in your mind as a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but please give me the chance to explain?
The best way I can describe it is a hunger? I wanted nothing more than to worship and lead others in worship. I was IN LOVE with Christ. Tears would come to my eyes when I thought of how he had removed my sins from me. Any doubts that came into my mind would be rejected. After all I should just have faith in God. Lean on and trust in Him. Not in my own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 was my favorite, but why? Because I have been taught that faith is a virtue, something to strive for. It is the essential ingredient in salvation. Without faith it’s IMPOSSIBLE to please God! With faith all things are possible. If it defies my logic my logic is wrong. I completely agreed with all this until recently. It didn’t happen all of the sudden. I was wooed to the dark side over the course of my entire Christian “experience”. Remember those doubts that I kept rejecting? Some were about the very existence of God at all. Good thing I didn’t need proof. But if I did even nature cries out that there is a God! And the Bible testifies to it! Sure it is filled with outrageous claims such as the Earth being created in 7 days. But that wasn’t meant literally! Everything else was. It is the final authority! Absolute truth!
Ex-ChildofGod
Any comments?
Jenny says:
I don’t know your whole story, of course, but what I’ve read so far reminds me of mine. So I hope you don’t mind if I share a bit of it with you.
Several years ago, I was hanging onto my faith by a thread, if that. I doubted and questioned everything I had ever believed about God, faith, salvation, you name it. It is a long story, but essentially what I ended up doing was wiping the slate clean of everything I had been taught to believe, and I began to explore it for myself. I faced my doubts and sorted through them. It took a long time, and for a while I had no idea where my journey would lead me, but I knew one thing: wherever I ended up, it would be because I had pondered these things for myself and worked my way through them. I would have my own basis for belief or disbelief, instead of simply accepting what I had always been told and being afraid to question or doubt. I needed that. I needed my beliefs, whatever they were, to be mine.
I think doubts are normal, and I think a lot of people may be afraid to admit them even to themselves, much less to anyone else. I know I was. But I think doubts are not only normal; they are a catalyst for growth and deeper faith. We don’t have to be afraid of our doubts; we need to face them and explore them.
I am reminded of a passage in Mark, where a father brings his son to Jesus (to see if Jesus can cast out the “unclean spirit” that the boy has). Jesus basically responds, “You’re asking if I can; but anything is possible if you believe.” And the guy is just very honest in his response, “I believe; help my unbelief!” Jesus did not respond to this by saying, “Well, sorry, but I can’t help you unless you have total faith and belief, and get rid of any doubts or unbelief you may have. And how dare you have any unbelief at all?!” Jesus wasn’t displeased with him. Instead, he granted the guy’s request. This story, and the other things I believe about the character of God (grace, understanding, mercy), reminds me of two things: that it is both possible and normal to believe and have doubts simultaneously, and that God knows it’s normal and doesn’t freak out.
I don’t know where you are in your faith journey right now, and I admire your willingness to admit your doubts. Rest assured, I am not judging or labeling you, and I would love to hear more of your story.
Brandon Anderson says:
Sometimes, maybe all the time, questions are more essential than answers. I’m eager to hear more of your story… there are threads of your story that are also woven into mine.
Author says:
At this moment in my “story” I made a decision not to base my understanding of the nature of reality, creation, or whatever you want to call it, on what another person told me. I am not quite middle aged but I am old enough to look around and see for myself what is real and what is not. I can’t tell you if jesus lived and was crucified or not. But I know that people don’t just get up after 3 days of being dead as a general rule. So why should I believe it. It has NEVER happened since. No one is raised from the dead. No one is healing today. And I don’t believe that any vague stories about how your granny had terrible arthritis and went to a Benny Hinn crucade and came out hopping up and down will be sufficient to convince me of miracles. I have seen what most Christians call miracles, I have done it countless times myself. Lets get real here. There are NO real miracles. If God is so great why don’t we see lame people walk? Miraculously? I’m sure you can think of some obscure thing you heard about from somewhere. But REALLY. Think about this statement….GOD DOESN’T HEAL AMPUTEES. Don’t give me quotes from some collection of writings that is, IMHO, a great story at best. But no word of any god. Where is he now?
Jenny says:
I’m sorry if talking about the story in Mark offended you; that wasn’t my intention at all. I was just typing out my thoughts, and that’s one of the thoughts I had. The real point was to address the normalcy of having serious doubts and questions, and without using any story from scripture or anywhere else I still believe that is the case; I got the impression that you spent years ignoring and stuffing down any doubts you had, and that you are now acknowledging them. And I just wanted to tell you that I think that is normal and necessary. Again, I’m sorry if my response angered you.
Author says:
I didn’t mean that to be aimed at you Jenny. I possibly come off sounding aggressive but I think that is partly due to the strong views I am obviously laying out there. I Appreciate your thoughts and I am not opposed to hearing scripture in an expression of personal philosophy at all. I only meant it as a “general” statement that the Bible is not a “Revelation”. I believe that many of its authors believed it to be so obviously. But, There is no Real reason to believe so. Sorry if I came across as hateful. It was not my intention. We are all equals here. 🙂
Jenny says:
That’s cool. Sometimes it’s hard to read people’s tone in an online conversation, and I was worried that I had offended you. I definitely understand having doubts about the Bible. What place do you think the Bible as a whole, or separated out, has in the grand scheme of things? (To put it another way, do you see it as history, myth, poetry, etc, and is it useful?)
Author says:
Well I am not an expert by any means. But it is interwoven with all those things. Each writing in the bible is unto itself mixed with all those things I guess. As far as If I think it is useful… Countless people over many years have found it useful. Many have enriched their personal daily lives, and some have been inspired to do great humanitarian works, and sadly others have found cause in it to spread hate or oppress the masses. I believe those are its uses in a nutshell. Sorry to break it down so cut and dry…. I don’t know any other way to be. haha
Jared White says:
Author, I must humbly beg to differ with you, but God does raise the dead and God does heal today. I have read accounts by numerous authors I respect including people that don’t even believe in working miracles today of the dead being raised, and I know people personally (as in, they are my friends) who have been healed miraculously. I’m not claiming it’s a common occurrence, at least in the United States, and I’m not claiming that I can just wave my hand and “poof” someone is healed. But I know enough of the truth to know that it is the truth. I also believe in the gift of prophecy and words of knowledge and have seen them operate in my life and my friends’ lives on many an occasion.
One other thing…you mention in the original quote that the Bible contains the “outrageous” claim the the earth was created in 7 days. Why is it any more outrageous than to claim it was “created” over billions of years? Either claim either fits a comprehensive interpretation of known scientific evidence (geological, etc.) or it doesn’t, and according to my lengthy studies on the subject, my opinion is that the young earth scenario matches far better than the old earth scenario.
I want to thank you for allowing yourself to open up to a potentially hostile audience, and I’ll close by saying I bless you and hope you find the right path as you look for answers. Please hop over to my blog and contact me at any time if you wish to talk.
Author says:
Respectfully, No he does not raise from the dead. Give me one reasonable documented account. From actual medical documents or newspaper articles that I am sure you would not have any problem finding thanks to the handy index in those books you’ve been reading. As far as if he heals….. Just because someone gets better doesn’t mean God heals them. What is miraculous? And yeah…. Go read a science book about the age of the earth.
Author says:
PS. Just because you respect them doesn’t mean I believe them. I live in a real world that doesn’t have hocus pocus and magic. People do get better sometimes and modern medicine sometimes can’t explain it but that doesn’t make it a “miracle”. Those are for movies, imaginations, and oh yeah… the Bible. 😉
James Laws says:
Author, I don’t know if God still raises the dead, being I have never witnessed a resurrection myself, although I know he can.
In all fairness to both sides I need to point something out. Below is a basic definition of the word miracle.
“an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.”
Where Jared may claim miracle, you might claim random phenomenon. Both are possible explanations but really the only difference between a miracle and an unnatural phenomenon is to who or what you give credit or which satisfies your questions.
You cannot disprove the, “I have no idea how that happened” statement that science makes during these unnatural phenomenon because there is nothing to prove.
You cannot prove that God did it because there is no proof.
In the end the verdict is determined by the world view of the observer. God world view = miracle. Secularist world view = random phenomenon.
The problem is that in every occurrence one must be right and one must be wrong (and perhaps it isn’t always one way or the other ) but both are plausible. When there is no evidence one way or the other, Christians can no more prove that something was a miracle than non-Christians can prove it wasn’t.
In the end, if I may change the direction a bit, this is not really a question of whether miracles exist or not. What we are dealing with is a question of faith. Jesus says we must have faith and Author seems to believe that even that needs proof. In other words must faith be deaf, blind and dumb or can one expect that God would prove his claims undeniably? Does the burden of proof fall on God and Christianity or does the burden of faith fall upon us all?
Author says:
Very insightful…. Glad you decided to join us. Lol.
James Laws says:
Well, I couldn’t let you have all the fun… 😉
Author says:
It just reinforces my belief that you are filled wth the holy spi…. Wait a minute! :p I am almost ready to delve into more of the reasons for my current position. I will be posting a new Blog soon. This is kinda harder emotionally than I thought it would be. I am like the disappointed kid that just learned that not only is santa NOT real, but there aren’t going to be presents this year either.
James Laws says:
I am looking forward to your next post as I am sure many others are. I am sure this is hard for you. Writing against something you have believed or at least been told can feel almost like you are betraying a close friend. I think God can take it though.
I still think in the end you will find out “santa” is really your Father and that the presents are still coming. Not because you believe everything as people tell you ought to but because he loves you regardless of your uncertainty.
Jenny says:
I’m looking forward to your new blog; I was hoping you would post again. 🙂
Shawn Holmes says:
Hey Author,
Thanks for being so open and honest. As a Christ-Follower since 5 yrs old and a Co-Pastor I struggle with my faith sometimes as well. I haven’t come to the place that you are, and in all honesty, I hope I don’t. You really must be going through hell. I will be praying for you, not to come back to God, but to find answers and resolve these issues for yourself. If you never find answers you will never find peace, in God or in science.
Shawn H.